Those Phrases given by My Parent Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a respite - going on a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."